#im just glad its done and out the way
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One wedding and three funerals
Background paintings under the cut
#tomgreg#succession#tom wambsgans#greg hirsch#shiv roy#roman roy#kendall roy#yeah no im not tagging everyone thats too much#this is me going 'how much implications themes and symbolism can i fit in one painting'#yes i gave rose shivs haircolor. if we ever find out how she looks like and its not like this im just gonna pass away i guess#but yeah i hope yall connect the dots#i put waaay too much thought and work into this. i was googling pictures of all the actors as kids just for reference (sigh)#honestly kinda wanted to make tom and greg link pinkies as like. a pinkie promise. but that was too hard to draw in this angle#at least not without obstructing the view of the ring which is important to see so ya#my fave is actually the tomshiv wedding pic i went off with that. i love them... they should have run away to become sheep farmers fr fr#anyway im so glad im done with this UGH!! finally i can draw smth else without being like oh noooo i need to finish this#i see a lot of you wondering why there is no portrait of logan but one of ewan#it's bc the placement of the painting represent their standing. logans portray would not hang next to the stairs#his present portrait hangs at the end of it. all the way up at the top. alone and withering away#basically the picture you see underneath ewan to the right? its where toms parents would be. the right side of the wall is tom and gregs#and the left one is the roy siblings theirs. since they grew up rich rich. and tom and greg didn't#but ya thats why ewan hangs here and logan does not :)
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Some things can change.
#michael afton#fnaf fanart#fnaf#michael afton fanart#five nights at freddy's#yes he's smoking in the first pic. and he's smoking in a different way in the other. lmao. didnt notice the pun when drawing#anyway hhehehhe i'm so proud of this. i'm loving this painterly style i first developed w the scar drawing. months ago.#i could talk symbolism here on end but i'll let it speak for itself. for you to find. GODDDDDD !!!!!!#THERE'S STUFF I'M *JUST* NOTICING NOW GHAAAAHHH!!!! OF COURSE. OF COURSE! DEFINITELY ON PURPOSE.#these were actually two drawings on a sketchbook. one drawing and then its companion piece.#the orange was just an idea i had to tie them together better *after* figuring out the base colors for the characters. and im so glad of it#my art#i did a last minute change to the foxy mask. i'm glad i added that detail. find it.#tried my hand at an image description. please tell me if i should add anything else. never done one like this before#ANOTHER FUCKING ACCIDENTAL- aughhghh okay#I LOVE ART#okay after a BIG edit onto the ID i think i'm ready to post now. hoo boy. here goes nothing#I SPENT LIKE AN HOUR TWENTY IN POSTING!!!!!!! WHAT. well. and minor art edits. BUT STILL
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if escape rooms as team building exercises became popular im not sure if id be more excited or terrified
#if it isnt already anyway.. i can see it happening as a school frosh thing. idk if it would catch on as a workplace thing#i kind of find the concept of being locked in with strangers and working to find a way out weirdly exhilarating though#at least compared to icebreakers cause i dont have to spend 10 minutes racking my brain for something to blurt out abt myself#as a bonus u could like. put people into groups and give prizes to whoever escapes first second third etc. apparently they also do themed#escape rooms.. maybe let people pick a theme? or voluntary sign up? actually this would be really fun for smth like a blind friend date#although if i found out i was locked in a room with an online friend id be too excited to actually escape LOL#ive never done an escape room before so sadly i cant speak from experience. its like up there on things i want to try next to rug tufting#workshop and visiting new art exhibits or conventions. i seriously need to get out more if it wasnt for the horrors <- school and anxiety#i was planning to invite cass to a drop-in art workshop in town but neither of us could go bc typography is making us go thru hell and back#AND THEY HAD A BUTTON MACHINE TOO#im nostalgic bc i miss working in groups and not being awkward abt it or worrying abt schedule conflicts#i realized that i learn best in groups and its a little corny but i like sharing ideas and talking through a problem#in elementary i could just sit down with friends for review and come out of it energized *and* more familiar with the material#and i could technically still do it now. but as adults we're more picky abt who we work with on top of being way more busy outside school#maybe im lonely. im shy and grew up not talking to ppl unless i absolutely have to so its hard to make friends on my own i guess#only thing getting me thru it is telling myself that humans like helping and that my cringe is overblown in my head. but its hard#hence the escape rooms. i have been able to talk to 2(!!) people though!! mostly abt school stuff but im glad to be on friendly terms#i dont really know how to be happy these days cause im constantly scaring myself abt my portfolio and finding places to work#not being ambitious is part of not wanting to put energy into something that wont work out while also not having the passion to do literall#anything else.. i should probably talk to my counsellor ugh#yapping
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it's just not going to work it feels bad but it has to happen but breakups that happen when nothing in particular has gone wrong and it's just an issue of like...paths in life/compatibility etc etc, where otherwise you actually rly do love the person, are so hard !! like i care for u i still want to be ur friend it just wont work in a romantic way !!
#its 1yr+ relationship too i care abt her so much#we just both deserve to feel fulfilled and i dont currently feel that way its not rly her fault i think we were just meant 2 be friends#and not lovers but somehow that makes it worse ?? like im glad im not on bad terms w her ofc i love her a lot#but it makes it harder to get over yk#....i hope we can still be friends idk idk !!#she has been my best friend for a while#breakup happening in 1 week from now. i keep delaying this decision but it rly rly has to be done#we r just...fundementally missmatched and we both need to be w ppl who we can grow with#i think we could grow together if we were just friends but aughh its sl ahrd ik being friends after a breakup rarely ever works out#my friends say its like a 50/50 chance if u break up on good terms#anyway being the person doint the breaking up is hard !!!#also i have been doing kind of super badly recently and i think i need some time to figure stuff out w my own mental health too
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not going to name names bc thats messed up but omfg i was tryna find records of old heta fandom shit to show inu right and i found a hetalia iceberg and I SAW MY 2019 OPP ON THERE. IT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY LIKE MY EYES BULGED OUT OF MY SKULL BECAUSE IM NOT EVEN JOKING I HATED THIS BITCH SO MUCH WHEN I WAS 14 AND NGL I STILL HATE HER. I DIDNT SAY NOTHING AND KEPT CURTIOUS AND NORMAL OBVIOUSLY BUT ON THE INSIDE I WANTED HER ASS DEAD EVERYDAY AND WELL... you all know im never in the loop with things and had no fucking clue that she was just the antichrist for an entire group of people lol. SHE WAS MY ANTICHRIST THO. I HATED HER AND SHE HATED ME OKAY AND IM LIKE RODF SEEING HOW SHES ON THE FUCKING HETALIA ICEBERG I WAS LIKE OMG.... I THOUGHT ONLY I FUCKING DESPISED HER
#i hated her to an unhealthy amount imma be so real#bc ive never done an internet sin of like shittalking outside of priv accs/dms#or interacting anonymously with people i hate etc etc#but there are things that are like corruptions for your own soul from how sour hatred can get#and she did that to me. and i only hated her enough to do that#i have only ever in my life actively hatestalked her blog when i was 14 bc she made me so fucking mad everyday#ive only ever in my life hatestalked her like shes the only reason i can comprehend why people are compelled to hatestalk#this was all back when i was like 14 tho lol and#ugh... im sorry. as you can tell the hatred i feel towards her is like soul corrupting level#i want to say im sure she has grown up to be a fine person and logically i know this is true#but also part of me is like there is no fucking way this bitch grew up to be a fine person like the lobotomy part of my brain is saying that#i will not tell you who she is btw so dont send me an ask begging for the user#and if for some reason you have a hunch who it is. you never know you could be wrong and even if youre not i dont condone harassment towards#her or like yknow just any association like leave her tf alone#i dont have fans who love me enough or are crazy parasocial to harass someone i personally hate/hated#but still just in case#shes not an actual bad person. i just hate her so much that it makes ME a bad person on the inside#its why im so glad that i turned 15 and went i need to stop looking at her forever or else i will reincarnate as a mosquito#ill only talk to u abt her if we are at least acquatiances with eachother#and i dont think anybody will be able to figure out who she is actually bc i never once was mean to her outside of telling my close friends#i wanted her dead. me when i dont act like a beast online despite the vietnamese devil inside me
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Im dying at your tags on that last anon 😭😂 youre now the dr.sloth pinup artist that neopets needed
Not the title i wanted to craft for myself when i started this blog but hey, it brought us such good memories like
#vin answers#vin memes#neotag#sorry i thought i had answered with this but apparently it didnt save the draft or whatever!! D:#but hey you get a 5-min meme out of it so everyone wins#god the things i put my poor grundo through HJSKDAF#this whole ordeal was one hell of a rollercoaster and I'm glad i was part of it#i don't think i've ever drawn dr sloth that much in such a short time if ever lmao#and don't get me wrong its been great#just not something i had thought to be involved in after just 1 month of starting this blog JHSDJK#specially as when i first got into the neotag i was basically nobody lol#i think everytime i draw the guy he's more and more pissed LFMAOO#hey neopets team hire me i can... draw dr sloth in the most sus way possible without it being pleasurable i guess HJSDF#anyway thanks for the ask and sorry for the late response i swear I thought i answered this!!#the grundo's name is Volks by the way i treat him as a sona but technically he's just some guy#that's it im done
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i love my friends so much. i feel like yesterday i had a lot of shit going on in my head and i woke up to my friend explaining things in a way that put my mind at ease. i dont feel as anxious anymore because i know i was overthinking. i think my dad said it best when he told me that he thought my wonderful brain of mine just wants to think problems are bigger than they actually are. he is right! im just inexperienced in life and half of the time im scared im doing something wrong but- HEY. i need to be more confident in making mistakes. making mistakes doesn't define me as a person!! i need to stop worrying about doing life right and just live for the sake of living and doing what makes me happy!!!!!!!
#thank u blake. u really helped#also nessa!! thank u for that reblog about your perspective on my one post about feeling lost career wise#it helps me to know im not the only one living this life because holy fuck i can feel confused sometimes because.. am i doing this right?#and you know what? theres no correct path that i think there is but im just not good without a direct direction. it makes me a little#anxious about things#i dont know if its because i have some form of a disorder but i function better when i plan stuff out and give myself something to#decompress the problems and thoughts because in my brain theyre just all stuck and clumped together#and that can get a bit scary and overwhelming!!!#im just glad i have people that care about me. it means literally everything to me#so even if i dont 100% reply dont think i dont care because literally any ANY advice or kindness you show to me means the world#we're all just living this little life and we might as well make the best of it#people care..... thats just.... its good... it makes me feel less alone that people do#i love my friends so much#evennnn if we dont talk every day or are only mutuals in passing!!! it literally means a lot if people show me kindness#like holy shit!!! your older than me? and your dealing with a similar experience??? and your telling me that its okay??? and that itll be#okay?????#like#just the reassurance that things will be okay and work out and that im not the only one dealing with a feeling like mine#idk sometimes i just feel like im crazy and like my thoughts make no sense?? you know?? but yall get it#im glad that i have people who are older than me in my life cause yall have experienced stuff that i can use to be better#like your life experiences can help me in a way that can make a difference on my perspective on things#its why i like talking to my coworkers. because theyve seen things and done things i havent and their perspective can teach me potentially#i just dont feel so overwhelmed with life when i talk to people who understand#i feel so young and yet old enough to know but even the people who are older dont know so im sort of on the right track i suppose depending#on how you look at it#so- im just gonna live my life and smile because!!! you gotta.#you gotta surround yourself with people who can enrich you and teach you things for the better and make you want to grow#some of you are like that#you may not know that#but that kindness means so much
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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
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kiss me goodnight
Father, me and big brother are home! We bought something for dinner! A carp by the lake, and potatoes from the land! A cut on the back, and fleshes of the dead!
pt.1 | pt. 2
pairing: mallesilmal. wc 2,5k
pls read!! warning: suicidal ideation, angst, mcd, gore. woundfucking, double d mal, deepthroat but instead of d it's malmal's slitted tongue
Their private liturgy continued for weeks, and many moons of crops seems to have passed. Silver will come to the castle every single day without fail, like a devoted loyal servant to its master. Everytime he entered the chamber, may forms of torment ensues, sometimes with different motions, sometimes different organs. His Lord would disassemble his body parts and arrange it back in one piece, of the exact strand and order, all without a miss. Yet none of that seemed to kill him, whether inside nor outside, as his soul seemed to resonate with his Lord as it all felt was only grief, grief, and grief.
Even as the time goes, all was fleeting. Time went in a blink of an eye, and the longer he stride by the riverbanks of time, the more his life feels less ‘living’. Everyday life felt so dull, and deep down he knows he could never go back to how he once were. Of sunshine in the woods, waiting for his father’s arrival. Of those days they went hunting and foraging the forest for herbs and, much to Silver’s dismay, ‘strange ingredients’ his father likes to pick along the way home. Of evenings after sparring with Sebek by the backyard, hopefully wishing for his Lord’s arrival to join them for dinner so they could tuck his father’s cooking somewhere else or gave it to the forest animals.
Those times of much simpler life,
When his father was around.
Now, he’s left with nothing but a gaping wound in his heart
Unattended, lacerated and disfigured; those who see the way it is now could even hardly believe it was once a full, beating heart- as the state of it now much resembles a lump of blood clot rather than a formerly functioning organ
Yet, even after all those agony it went through, it still beats
It still beats.
Oh, how he hated the sound of it
The pounding in his veins. Steady rhythm of blood circulating throughout his bloodstream, intact, splattering only when his Lord’s claws are inside of him. Everytime his Lord disassembles his insides, he would always hoped, prayed that maybe his heart will forget a beat amidst all these bodily pain that envelops him. Perhaps his lung would be oh so kind to stop functioning altogether, or the insides of his skull would self-destruct itself.
But his heart keeps pounding on and on
A sick reminder that he’s still alive, unable to be reunited with his father
He’s been so, so close to the edge, why can’t he just die already?
Is his Lord’s healing magic too powerful? Why isn’t the reaper here yet? Can’t he just go, all these are making his patience running thin.
He wonders how many times should he play this twisted tug-of-war game with death, to which he always dreams of losing.
So when another being sarted being present during their private sessions, it sparked hope inside Silver.
He knew his time was creeping in closer, because not even His Lord’s omnipotent magic could ever prolong something as sacred as defying mortality. He smiled genuinely for the first time in years, leaving each of their meetings with a content feeling instead of the usual despair. His Lord would question about it someyimes, to which Silver would reply with his signature sincere half-smile
…to which Silver began to think
….what would His Lord became of, once that he is gone?
Would His Lord be abe to cope with the grief that follows? After such a huge loss he experienced already?
Silver might not be the brightest in terms of social cues or delving into people’s hearts and peering into their feelings, but one thing he does know: His Lord wouldn’t be able to handle it well
After all, if he did so, then their classified rites wouldn’t happen in the first place. Or turning into a daily basis, for that matter. To top it all, the kingdom would be brought into an even major calamity, lest his Lord were faced for another grief in his sight. That narrows the questions in his head down to a singular one:
How do he drag his Lord down with him?
tic-toc, the clock is ticking. As the figure that overshadows their chamber turned clearer each passing day, Silver is vigilant that he doesn’t have much time left. Bearing only one solution in mind, he enters their solemn chamber, preparing for a gamble of life and death. A russian roulette he invented on his own.
And he finally came down with his own plan.
Yes, this would surely suffice
The night was cleared of its clouds, moon shining softly amongst the starry skies. The walk to the castle was not long, but Silver decided to slow down for a bit.
It is his last day after all, as the reaper had been clearly visible to the touch
This night would be the final one, and as dawn rolls he would be graced by his one true love
His took his steps thoughtfully, absorbing the sceneries before him mindfully. The walk from his tiny little cottage in the woods that will soon be abandoned. The owls and crows and other animals cooing him along the way, as if muttering mournful goodbyes. How the castle gates lowered at the sight of him, without him needing to announce his presence. The castle staff & maids that bowed down respectfully, seeing as how they might’ve perceived him as some sort of hero for diverting their Lord’s grief, not knowing the very same person would bring an end to the exact Lord they worshiped
Mustering his resolve, he entered the chamber, where his Lord awaits patiently. A soft breath of flame welcomes him, as both candles and chandeliers alike lit up. Lavish banquet upon the table, grand as always. Everything’s the usual, except for-
Except for the the eagerness pulsating his chest, as from today onward he would no longer be within despair’s grasp
It ends today
All the pain and anguish, he shall bring it all down with him
Feeling the blade brushed against his thighs, he returned the warm welcome with a smile. That his Lord was taken aback no longer matters, this is the requiem after all! It should be enjoyed to its finest, doesn’t it?
And so their usual liturgy began. Although Silver would prefer calling this one their ‘Rite of Parting’. It had a nicer ring into it, or so he thought. He locked his gaze upon those pair of emerald locket that adorns his Lord’s face, oh such grace it was for being able to witness this lustrous sight before one departs. His Lord, having the time of his life- obliterating all grief and sorrow as his fangs bared upon his chest, talons ripping apart skin to skin.
Starting off with his undeformed obsidian claws slitting the upper part of his body, as the other slips itself into Silver’s underneath. The moment Silver’s heart laid bare, his Lord proceeds to kiss them gently, lengthy tongue tending every single row of his ribs, slipping beneath to savor the delish taste of iron from its splitting ends. His Lord was always a man of patience, and so he goes, moving supple palms ever so gracefully,
But Silver was not.
Not this time, at least.
He’s so eager– eager to the touch, to the taste, to the end. His patience is growing thinner by each passing moment, and for the first time in Seven knows how long; he refused to relent. Instead, his hands grazed to his Lord, tracing him all ever so softly and at the same time greedily– as if those touches would suffice his hunger. And his Lord, the ever-so-thoughtful of his people, complies
‘Eager today, aren’t we?’
He mutters under his breath, as consciousness gradually grew adrift; drunk by the touch. As much as he enjoyed the delectable taste of his cherished subject, he constantly tasted this mournful flavor from him. Something he probably didn’t realize had been consuming him progressively over the course of time, something he understood so well. He never minded this notion though, as Silver’s mere form was more than sufficient to scrape off the remaining grief sadness of his beloved spouse’s parting
However, that is alright
They would surely come back someday, right? They are merely sleeping for a little while. One day they will arise hearty and buoyant like how they always been, thus announcing their presence with the warmest smile as they jumped into his arms, fondling their hands upon his towering form lovingly. And he would lower down, reciprocate their lush affection and pepper them with the gentlest of kisses he’d been saving up these whole decades, centuries even, and—
The gentle caress on his neck, sliding down his throat onto his chest dragged him back to what’s laid in front of him. Just like a prey offering himself to the hunter, although the fondness betwixt them begs to differ.
Observing the alluring blend of colors beneath him that stares straight into his eyes– into his heart, the dragon fae decides to give in. He would take his loyal knight’s offerings of course, as it would be heartless for a master to refuse such sincere. And so concede he did, unrestraining the constraint of his dual cock. Going slow at first, he enters the first into Silver’s hole, pushing its full length in one single thrust. A slight moan slips his ashen lips as he positioned his next one, eyes interlocking with the remnants of saliva dangling between ribs beneath him. Those translucent silk, paving the path into the other’s heart was clearly his invitation to attend; and so as a profound noble that he is, proceeds to fulfill that lustrous invite.
Gently, he made way between the limbs; and as his first was already spasming between Silver’s tight walls, his second was getting harder by each passing cartilage. They only seemed to grow in size as he goes on, and the more it gets tighter down there; what’s his jostling with Silver’s liver, lungs, and pancreas as he slowly but surely making his way into his heart, Silver giggles
Silver giggles.
Dear Sevens and the Great Thorn Fairy above, how many decades has it been since he heard those sweet giggles? Was it when Lilia first discovered that humans are ticklish and tried it on his own son, which he later joined during, laughing heartily as the three of them enjoyed Silver’s playtime just as much as him? Or was it oh his birthday, when he got a whole pie thrown at him for the sake of good luck? Perhaps it was when both he and Sebek welcomes them home after their trip into some faraway land, and offers them homemade cookies that was slightly burnt; where Lilia said his cookies are more exceptional and much better, to which Silver only replied with a stifle laugh, giggly smile adoring his petite form
Which one was it?
Does it even matter?
As his second finally reached its final destination, he let out a hearty laugh, as if reciprocating those once long-lost giggles. But that matters not now, what’s important is how to satisfy the proprietor of those alluring sound. Thus, he picks up the pace, brimming even more enthusiastically with two pairs of fangs procuring first row seat of the show, as moonlit strands gradually grew flushed in span of seconds. The delicate touch of callused hands began to pepper his back, crystal nails flourishing in crimson as they dug deeper and deeper. Those luscious voices only got sweeter the more he progresses, constantly moaning as the other succumbs into the bliss of his holy cock. They both inches closer and closer, both the ones inside & below the ribs, and so does Silver’s which he enveloped in his palms. Shiny black claws fondled with the tip, smothering delicately to the strings leaked from its source, before it finally bursts. and so does his own, outflowing the tight walls that of Silver’s, as the realms between his organs turned into a colorful mixture of sweat, blood, tears and other salty liquids. Both delve into the pleasure of release once more, and they would both be lying if they said that it wasn’t the most passionate one they’ve ever had all these time.
Their most passionate one
Which would also be the first and the last.
Silver glance onto his side, and there was them. The reaper, in all his mightiness and sorrow and glory and whatever hopes it brings for Silver to devour. It’s now or never, so he put up his sweetest smile, one that his father would always sings praises and adore whenever he did
‘My Lord, would you be so kind as to give me one last kiss before we depart?
A single good night kiss would suffice’
‘Why of course, cherished one. As a gift, I would be glad to fulfill your desire’
So their tongue intertwined, his Lord’s split tongue peered slowly as he opened the gates into throat. He pulled as to lower him and holds him closer, and two tips of dragon tongue dances around. Twirling, enveloping his little one if compared to that of his Lord’s. It goes deeper as the length fulfill every room of his mouth, down into his throat, and needless to say he was satisfied. He towered above him, and so does the reaper: now hanging behind his Lord, creeping in- this is it. This is the time, as he unseath the blade he’d been keeping, and he thrust
Deep. Red. Black. Dripping, waltzing and oozing together ever so beautifully
His Lord was about to laugh of humor, did his loyal subject, all knowing of how robust he was, really think that this mere mutiny could end him? If it did, he would’ve did it himself ages ago
But there was something else
As Silver thrusts deeper, he feel it seeps into his streams, light magic overflowing and tainting his fae blood. There’s no mistaking it- it’s the same magic that emanates from Silver’s passed down ring, one that Lilia stashed along with the greatest gift in the whole world— according to him. The very same that ended his mother.
To end with the exact same way of his beloved mother he never got the chance to meet
This is beautiful
And so he gave in. Letting go as his magic that cloaks their surroundings dissipates, including the ones veiled Silver’s form. The taller frame finally succumbs and sank. Glints of effulgent hangs upon his head, and in those final moments, pressed a smile onto his Lord’s lips; as warmth slips and bodies deteriorates.
This time, surely, his father would be overjoyed
Father, me and big brother are home! We bought something for dinner!
A carp by the lake, and potatoes from the land!
A cut on the back, and fleshes of the dead!
#if u squint; the reaper could be perceived metaphorically or literally#like myb it exists in twst. but not everybody can see it (except silver here)#or it cld be silver's hallucinations cz.. hes just desperate i guess...?#I MEAN what's keeping silver alive despite those gruesome things were malleus' magic right#he merely did those swish-swosh thing tht he did back at VDC#returning & reforming everything back in its place#so since he's gone and no one's there to prevent silver from deteriorating-#thats why the reaper wouldnt 'slash' him for so long; only doing so after silver's done w/ his blade#bc it's all in his head!! haha#AAAAAHHHH ITS FINALLY DONEEE#im so. so glad#ths is probably my proudest creation so far#rlly made me squeeze my brain out on 'how do i implement this kind of things'#experimented a lot writing ths#n tryin out many new things!!#new prompt!#new theme!#new agony *laughs in pain*#it rlly challenged my usual writing style (in a good way!!)#ANYWAYS regardless of the result#IM SO PROUD OF ME FOR TRYING#N ACTUALLY FINISHING IT#overall i had fun writing this 🥰#altho i didnt make it in time..#anyways happiest birthday silver 🥳🎉🎊#okay im done talking#hope u enjoy!!#mallesil#malleus draconia#silver
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hehehe
#feeling bad that i cant just be content to post something#but when i get 4 notes or 20 notes or 50 notes it's not enough#and when i get thousands of views on youtube videos it's the ones that i no longer have any attachment to#like im supposed to give a shit about capturing that lightning in a bottle when its a song im not proud of anymore#that i made at a point in my life im glad is over#ive met a couple fans who have mentioned liking kirby pride and kirbtober specifically#and it makes me so happy that they like the stuff that i still like#i knlw i should like my backlog but#to me they serve as keepsakes and nothing more#a stepping stone to where i was when i started my minecraft cover “series”#that lead me to kirby pride#which lead me to making songs easier which lead me to kirbtober#which burnt me out and lead me to I need to#which exists but only in my head#and on my computer#the album so close yet so far#every step i take towards completing it the clearer it is that the goal is at the horizon#and oh my god thats only the first half#i guess i should try not to spoil part 2 but its still too much in a concept phase#as much as i hate that#the first half is called 'I need to' and it's an album about my experiences after i graduated in 2022 and links awakening#about stagnation#wasting my time#part 2 is called 'wake up'#and it's about my choice at the end of Links awakening#to stop playing after i opened the wind fish's egg#moving past the world i knew was too hard a thought to bear#so i buried it#i havent seriously touched the game after that#and in a way that i cant explain to myself in a way other than music i feel as though i have done this
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post mortem for my orv animatic bc i have lots of thoughts and yall are gonna hear all of them (that is a threat)
first is the obligatory special thanks/plagiarism declaration section but a lot of the shots in this are inspired by the original changgwi lyric video which like. please watch it there's a reason this song is a classic animatic song on bilibili like the music is good but the video definitely helped. also speaking of bilibili, special shoutout to this arknights chongyue animatic that introduced me to the song that will haunt the next 8 months of my life!
the original inspiration was the thought that the verse of the spirit telling the story of its own death felt very yjh coded but it took like another week of stewing on it to have the idea of using the final chorus for the dkos arc which was the moment i decided i have to actually make this thing
going strictly by when i started putting pen to paper (pencil to ipad screen? whatever) this took almost exactly 5 months since i created the first drafts in february but the first 3 months ish from february until may were also my school semester so. most of the progress (id say about >60%) was done in the last two months of me working on this every moment i wasnt at work (or playing project sekai, for some reason)
also! funny little detail but counting the drafts and some discarded frames my procreate stack for this thing has exactly 49 artworks in it! neat little easter egg i guess (yeah 51 wouldve been more fitting but whatever)
this fully slipped by both me (at 2am) and my friend whom i sent the finished version to (fighting the flu) but in the final edit i didn't actually include the second half of the last lyric?? it's 'i will take you to the mountain god' i apparently just wrote 'i will take you' and never finished the rest LMAO
speaking of the lyrics i dont speak korean and im not a huge fan of most english translations of this song that exists so on multiple occasions i was so tempted to just use the chinese cover someone on bilibili did because then i'd at least be confident i know where the fucking line breaks were (there's one line at the end where im pretty sure i didn't edit on the line breaks correctly but that was more of an intentional compromise because the timings would've been off otherwise. anyway) tbh the only reason i didnt do that is the atmosphere and delivery of the original song is. really unbeatable like the cover's also pretty good but it doesn't quite achieve the same effect
also speaking of things i fucked up im aware i drew sys in the wrong outfit for the dkos fight but like. ok full disclosure my orv reference folder is a complete mess (theres like 400+ images in there. for some reason) so on net ive gotten character outfits wrong while working on this thing like at least 3 times bc id just grab a random webtoon screenshot from my folder and go w it. it's just that by the time i realised i fucked up i'd already finished drawing all of sys's frames and i was too lazy to go back and change all of them LMAO
anyway yeah some other random things i wanted to whinge about:
there's a lot of effects i wanted to do that didn't quite come across due to. lack of skill/time/patience/all of the above but the one im really annoyed about is the yhk postchorus bit with the 3 circles bc. first off i think i drew those while halfway dozing off on the train to school once because uh. yeah
anyway poor drawing aside id really wanted to recreate the sort of. drawn-in effect on the circles and lines that the original lyric video had but i could NOT for the life of me figure out a way to execute that in capcut so. here we are (also you cant put transitions on overlays in capcut so that's why those also looked so bad. youre welcome)
honestly my timeline for this in capcut looks pretty ridiculous bc if you want to do word by word animations/effects you need to pay for the pro version so my workaround was just to have like five thousand text layers with 1-2 words on it each (do not recommend btw)
speaking of the text im a moron so i kinda forgot to account for the text when drawing frames and wow you can tell. yeah next time im just hand writing the text fuck this
and i have some more thoughts that are. mild to moderate webtoon spoilers so past this will be the spoiler warning line
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actually my original plan was to upload this the day dkos dies in the webtoon but a. i genuinely did think it was gonna be yesterday like i dont pay for the early access episodes so i was just kinda going off orvtwt LMAO b. i could feel myself burning out on this like the last few frames i drew for this were fucking dogshit so i figured either i finish it soon or i wont finish it at all
i will probably still draw something for dkos' death day though for those who celebrate (basically when i was thumbnailing for one of the frames in this i ended up with one that didnt fit the video aspect ratio at all but still looks pretty good so im promoting it to a full drawing. so look forward to that)
like for an idea of how fucking sick of this shit i was by like. last week pretty much like for the last few frames of the dkos fight i straight up forgot to draw dkos' wings and had to add them in halfway through editing last night. like that's how fucking out of it i was by then lmaoo
looking back its actually kinda funny cuz the whole put this up when dkos dies thing was my plan since february but i had literally no way of knowing when that would be especially since the webtoon stopped going with the novel chapter numbers exactly (i could.. guesstimate but my original estimation was in june so yknow. real useful) but like i can find evidence of me panicking about that deadline since may. why did i do that
given that deadline i knew i cant really include stuff from the novel past the dkos arc but man. the amount of times i wanted to use something from later (ESPECIALLY 1863 arc). i actually have another idea i want to test out thats like full epilogue spoilers partially because working on this for so long made me realise i really want to make more epilogue content <- what
yknow how i mentioned discarded frames yeah i had to draw dkos' death 3 times because the first two compositions just never quite panned out. i mean the current one is also pretty unreadable with the colour scheme but trust me the previous ones were way worse christ alive
#this is gonna be even more whinging but like. im fully expecting this animatic to flop actually#<- complete nonchalance. im just glad im done with it i dont particularly care how it performs#thats not a sign of. idk maturity or whatever im just sick of thinking about it JKSHFKJHD its been haunting my psyche for like 2 months#i have a lot of other animatic ideas knocking around bc ive been listening to a lot of music recently i guess#<- losing my mind at an IT internship#but i might have another something out... soon? depending on how much trouble procreate dreams gives me??#its meant to be more of me just testing out dreams before the alnst thing i wanted to make lol#asto speaks#oh yeab funny story i was trying to explain to my mum at one point the difficulty with trying to translate the line about dying to the tige#bc english translations will usually write 'i died while trying to catch a tiger' or something like that but in the original line#the died part comes after the tiger part#and the way i tried to word this to my mum was. 原来的歌词是 上山打老虎 然后死了 英文翻译是 死了 因为 上山打老虎#idk it just cracks me up
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i need to fuckign explode
#i need to talk tohim i need to talk to him i need to talk to him i need to tlak to him but i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaant bc im too scared of that lol#it was on my mind two months ago it was on my mind a month ago and its on my mind now and it is driving me insane#bjt k dont want to say what it is because thats a can of worms of potential for people to Know i dont want#so glad the guy in question is locked out of tumblr and the other guy involved barely looks at tumblr#only fucking place i can get this thought out even vaguely#i need to talk to both of them bt i cant because i feel like i will die trying to. heart attack on the spot#as much as i dont want him to i hope he gets a notif for this and asks me sbout it#even though theres no way hed knownim specificslly talking abt him#bc at leas that way it spares me the fucking nightmare kf bringing it up to someone#and its like. objectively not s problem#if i just used my words and talked it out it would be done so fast.but the problem is even though i talk to both of them so much#the thought of talking to them abt this specific thing scares me so bad that#i think if i sent a text about it i would close discord snd not open it for 2 years#sighghhggggghhghgghhhggh ive been rlly good abt not venting on tumblr lately bc i didnt like doing it in the first plsce but#there is literally nowhere else for me to complain about this in a spacethat i am comfortable complaining sbt it in#that does not include one of the affected guys#lycan howls
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wait. wait. wait. ive been staring at ur latest comic for awhile now and i think i've noticed something about the colors? which are amazing, first of all- just gotta get that out there cuz i adore that soft pink and deep green combo
but i just realized that throughout most of the comic u use both in equal parts it seems. to separate bg + fg and such, to highlight characters/objects, etc.
but then when vash gets back to their room, all the walls are that dark green. and, bit by bit, the pink totally falls off. by the end, it's nothing but constant dark green as vash starts to cry
but then wolfwood slams in and he's backed by that soft pink. and suddenly the comic is nothing BUT pink. soft lines and whites and gentle pink tones EVERYWHERE to just. SO tastefully highlight the little details.
LIKE. WAS THIS INTENTIONAL?! i almost wanna guess that it wasn't since all those green panels w vash crying are all closeups focused on his expression so it makes sense to just put the simple green behind it and all attention on him so the pink just isn't Needed
BUT AT THE SAME TIME THE EFFECT IS SO MASTERFUL THAT I WANNA BELIEVE IT WAS ABSOLUTELY INTENTIONAL
HEHE..... first of all, thank you for looking at my comic so closely, THAT'S LIKE... REALLY SWEET and a huge compliment to hear, thank u thank u
and yes, it was intentional, especially more towards the end!!! in general, the colors are meant to serve as a mood indicator, so a balance of them in a scene would just mean a neutral "okay-ness" and have a functional serve to separate background / foreground / subject matter... deep green signifies introspection or incoming sadness (especially on pg5 when vash cries), and pink signifies wolfwood, which, not an emotion but he is happiness, someone that helps vash lose his doubts in a matter of seconds -- which is why those last few pages are just pink white and lines, and the panels are gone for the majority of it. i wanted to show their unity and togetherness!
while vash still has his issues of just Not saying anything about his loneliness, his feelings are alleviated temporarily with wolfwood's presence and he's just grateful that his paranoia didn't become true, and that wolfwood is genuine, true to his word, when he means he'll be following vash/staying with him. even though it's mission-bound, vash would probably still feel guiltily comforted by that fact.
I'M GLAD IT WAS PARTICULARLY EFFECTIVE IN THIS COMIC because i definitely could've pushed it more... i figured it was a minor thing that not a lot of ppl would care for, but more ppl enjoyed it and noticed the colors than i thought, so i'm glad it worked out!!!
#asks#thank you for sending this!!!#and for being so observant and putting it into words -- its really sweet!!!! hehe#ok this bit here is a bit off topic but. i forgot to mention in my original tags. very minor hc but on#p4 when i drew their beds -- ww bed is the left one vash is the right one and his blankets are all folded#bc i feel like vash would develop habits of being able to leave somewhere quickly + abruptly. so he cleans up after himself#everytime he wakes up and has to leave for the day. i feel like he's ran into enough trouble that he's grown accustom to making#sure he's ready to dip whenever necessary. and id imagine he'd leave payment if he books a room for more than a night so when he has#to leave suddenly - the room owners get their pay still. just preparing stuff in advance to not make trouble for the kind ppl#that houses him. idk its a small thing! i just recall those times in the manga where after accidentally destroying a part of the town#vash makes sure to join the clean up crew and help build things up lmfao he takes responsibility. its cute#ww sees him do this for the first time once and goes “that's stupid. we're not going anywhere and we're staying for the 2 nights”#and then he'd realize soon enough that they do have to prepare to book it at any random point of the day if vash gets caught up in trouble#regardless he doesn't fold it all up like vash does since its not habitual to him and in a way hes testing vash to NOT run off and do smth#thatll get him in trouble during the day. rare hopefulness. when they start sharing beds wolfwood doesn't let him fold up the sheets#very minor thing hc sorry for rambling in This space hub all of a sudden.#in the comic also vash gets pink bg panels every time he calls out to wolfwood. happy happy#it's really not a long enough comic to push those aspects... but im glad it was noticed at all -- but ok ok im done done
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sometimes i think maybe it's a good thing i'm so traumatized and fucked up mentally and emotionally bc then i never expect ppl to be kind or even just plain old nice to me, so when they ARE kind or nice i feel overwhelming gratitude and almost a sense of awe HFDSJKL like... i dont know if i would have had this appreciation for each little piece of kindness if i wasn't the way that i am. but also i know thats kind of an absolutely wild way of thinking about this LMAO
#but then on the other side of things i still get really hurt when ppl are cruel or just the usual flavour of mean#like i had a mother with a stroller get huffy and aggressive w me yesterday as i was getting off the bus and that rly stuck w me#idk what else i could've done in that situation except control my tone a little better maybe but i was really anxious#because her stroller was in the way of the aisle and i was trying to figure out the fastest way to navigate around it to exit#bc the bus drivers are always in a hurry so i didnt want to keep anybody waiting while i got around her stroller#so i just said ''sorry i just need to get by'' and i think my tone was not Perfectly Pleasant bc i was really anxious and unsure#but i meant it as a ''sorry if i touch ur stroller as i squeeze past'' dsjfkl i didnt mean it like ''u need to move ur shit for me''#alas. i think she took it as the latter. also im pretty sure she was on edge already bc she knew her stroller would be in the way#anyways i said that and she did the thing where ppl throw up their hands in a really quick defensive/aggressive half-shrug gesture#where they're gesturing like ''what the fuck !!! what are you doing !!!'' idk how common that gesture is dsjkl i see it a lot around town#and i just quickly squeezed past her stroller and tried not to touch it as little as i could and then said thank you and scuttled away#BUT IT REALLY BOTHERED ME THAT SHE GOT SO HUFFY ABOUT IT. i've been trying to figure out what i could've done differently#unfortunately i think its just one of those things where we were BOTH anxious or on edge so she was just assuming i was being aggressive#bc she probably expected ppl to be rude about her stroller so... when u expect that it'll colour ur perceptions of ppls behaviours#so i am not even upset w her at all fsdjkl i simply wish it had gone better. alas!! what a silly little encounter to be ruminating over#ANYHOWDY... I am glad that i can have such appreciation for kindness when it happens fdsjkdl#like i had a little snippet of small talk about bananas with a stranger in the grocery store last year and i still think about it happily#bc idk. it means so much to me. making little connections w ppl! its very very important to me bc i dont get it very often!#and theres some kind things ppl have said to me online that have stuck with me or will stick with me for honest-to-god years fdsjkl#and perhaps i am a sap but ... I'm just glad i can hold these small bits of goodness so close to my heart bc it makes life a little nicer#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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guess which part was my favorite to render challenge (impossible)
#art#artfight#this is clementine by qatoqat#gritting my teeth gnawing on the bars of my cage its fine that it looks awkward i was experimenting... its fine im normal...#i wouldve just shaded it like i normally do but i really wanted to do the eyes that way#and you cant JUST do the eyes like that. on account of the devils#i also got to contend with the new thumbnail thing today... tell me WHAT is the point of requiring a 200x200 square in the first place#if youre just gonna make me crop it again. be so for real with me#i wouldnt be that ticked about it except it started skewed off to the side when i put the thumbnail in???#so i had to. get it as close to normal as possible#instead of just importing it and being done.#glad to see that 100k being put to good use to better the site#complaining aside this is my third attack this year meaning i have reached my minigoal :3#getting to eight should be a breeze if i can keep pace. huzzah !#aaand this piece is a spiritual revenge thingy#the user had drawn my (now deleted) wc oc pretty late in the season. and at that point i had already mentally checked out from it#i cant remember whether it was i forgot to draw anything in return or that i only saw it after the event ended#but they then didnt end up participating the following year#you have no idea how many times i checked that profile.#obviously they are participating again this year so i can finally put it to rest#sidenote they almost exclusively draw cats. like 3k attacks they have probably 90% are cats. and all of their characters are cats. exquisit#after this i have one more revenge i wanna get to and then i will finish up my bookmarks#i <3 putting essays in the tags
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2019 was one of the hardest years of my life but woah I'm just remembering that I had a therapist who was insistent that I didn't transition and that I follow a one year program of proving to her that I was trans.
that wasn't even why I was going to see her in the first place, but the moment she found out she wanted me to stop hrt immediately so she could 'properly' diagnose me with gender dysphoria. she went on this long rant about how back in her day people had to spend years talking to doctors before they were allowed to transition and she has trans clients from the 80s and 90s who were made to prove to her that they were trans for a whole year before she would prescribe them anything.
#[static]#it was wild too cuz i used to go to her when i was in my late teens early 20s and I went back to her because i trusted her insight#but the moment she found out i was transitioning she no longer wanted to talk about the horrifying trauma I'd just gone through#like .... being transgender and transitioning after years and years of being in the closet was such a big step for me and my healing#it was (and still is) one of the best things i could have ever done for my health and happiness and its wild to me that#because i used to be a woman so many ppl were like 'are you just doing this to get out of your shitty marriage?' like .......... wtf??#she basically believed that none of the decades worth of gender dysphoria and trans issues were related to me just being transgender ...#and instead it was a way to get my abusive and clinging ex husband to leave me alone fdkjghf#i transitioned late because he was one of the ppl who trashed my self esteem and would spend days screaming at me if i mentioned dysphoria#i get shivers just thinking about how awful that was lfkghfd but me finally transitioning was a way for me to finally be myself#despite other ppls ideas or wishes of me and boy howdy im so glad that i finally stuck up for myself despite the fallout of all my relation#if you read this you get a kiss on the cheek ... just ranting because wow i forgot about that! so much shit had happened all at once lmao
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